im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
