Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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