So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
