yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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