I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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