I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
