I cockslap morals
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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