whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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