I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
