I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
