dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
