Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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