R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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