I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Rumble strips road head = magical
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
