What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
