Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize