I didn't shave. On purpose
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
