I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
