Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
