Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
