Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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