Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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