I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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