you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You ruined the universe
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
