i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
