I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
