and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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