he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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