She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
