There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
