are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
