You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize