the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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