Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
