You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
