I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
