Where did you get a picture of my penis
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
