I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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