id be glad to
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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