i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im holly from the hills drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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