i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
