whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
