Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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