You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
