Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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