it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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