Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
