five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
