From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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