So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
