Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
