he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
