Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
