I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
