he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
