so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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