eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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