You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
