how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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