Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
