Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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