Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
