I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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