Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
