the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
