HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
