you guys were way drunker than both of me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
MIDGETS
????
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
