hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
