i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
