at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
