R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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