The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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