Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
