Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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