gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
