No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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