I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
